THE RIDE HOME

you guys! i have lots of pictures to share, my internet was down last week, and basically if internet is down, laptop does not open.

last weekend we went to the UT county to hang out with some friends. while we were talking i was reminded of some classic tales i really must share.

......

The summer between my junior and senior year of high school, I went to Hurricane(basically St. George) for three weeks to help babysit my cousins & hang out while they were remodeling their home. My Uncle Mark is the king of hooking you up with a ride if you need it up north by the way, so when time came he tapped into his bank of connections. I honestly don't know if he really knew who I would be riding with, but I feel like it was a friend-of-a-friend type situation.

The minivan pulls up, I toss my bags in the back and get in the minivan with a group of strangers. Before the sliding door is even slammed I am clamoring to get out. There is a horrible smell and it needs to be identified & exterminated. It didn't take long to get to the culprit. Driver's daughter is in full out rebellion of modern day society, some refer to her as a hippie. she had hair coming out of her armpits, no shoes, dirty clothes and dreads for days. she was estinky. At least I'm all the way in the back so I'll just catch occasional whifs. I will survive!
As I put my discman headphones on, Driver's son (about 10) starts talking to me.

Son: Do you have a lot of weeds?
Me: uhh, sure..
S: Do you have a weed eater?
M: No.
S. Does your dad have a weed eater?
M: Yes.
S: My dad has a weed eater, it's green! It is so powerful, and better than your dad's.

Son: Do you have a lot of weeds?
Me: uhh, sure..
S: Do you have a weed eater?
M: No.
S. Does your dad have a weed eater?
M: Yes.
S: My dad has a weed eater, it's green! It is so powerful, and better than your dad's.



REPEAT FOR SIX HOURS.


I finally pretend to be asleep so he'll stop talking. I really do fall asleep, during which Driver's son pillages the bag of snacks my aunt prepared for me, mostly consisting of cheese and crackers. I am awakened by the aromatic scent of 10 year old farts, and superbly bad breath 4 inches away from my face.

As if I am not mad enough at my uncle for purposely planning my torture for six hours, Hippie full on vomits all over the front seat. No problem, I think everyone has worked up quite the appetite by smelling BO & pre-teen gas. This really just sealed the deal. Let's stop at ARBY'S!

... I've never jumped out of a car so fast.