Tuesday, May 1, 2012

just some things.

Honestly this has been one heck of a year for me already. I’ve had four tickets (only one for speeding), the whole IRS debacle with my ex, there was even a problem with my gym membership when I renewed and I had to pay extra money for someone else’s mistake. Story of my life! I can really get down on myself & think about how I think I’m picked on & how I rarely get what I want the first time. I know that sounds childish but I feel like a lot of things I’ve wanted in life I’m not able to achieve, or have achieved it & it blew up in my face (ahem my marriage)... I’m not a good student when it comes to math & it’s been my last class to finish my associates for 2 semesters now. I just feel behind. I’ve had a lot of anxiety lately because of all of the above, plus other uncertainties in my life. Where is my life going? What is my future? I know, deep. But these things can keep me up in the night. PS. I'm NOT talking about my relationship w/ Tyler, everybody relax.

One lesson I think I’m learning is that I have to face my fears & confront them full on instead of avoiding them at all costs like I usually do. I am scared of disappointing people or having them get mad at me so I like to just skirt around issues for as long as possible. That's one reason I was married for as long as I was. I am getting better at confronting issues that arise, now especially since hiding from them has not done me much good.

This isn't to say I'm not grateful for what I have, I am! I just feel like I'm ready for my turn. Anytime now. 

And that was a big rambling thought.


  1. Just remember that you are amazing and talented and wherever your life leads you will be wonderful! I know... easy to say, harder to actually believe it, but it's true!

  2. Ugh, sounds rough. I just want to give you a big hug!! Hopefully everything in life starts turning up for you asap - you deserve it!

  3. If it makes you feel any better, I've often thought I need to be more like you in your domestic-ness. You learn new things! You've learned to sew, make bread, pie, cute decor, you expand yourself! Sometimes I feel like I get stuck in a rut of looking at all the things people are making AND making of themselves instead of turning around and making something myself or developing a new talent or hobby. So you're an inspiration to me!! Not joking!!

  4. I agree with all the comments above!! You are my bestie and I probably don't tell you enough how amazing you are. Who knows where I'd be without you! You've helped me through so much and I know that "your turn", as you called it, is just around the corner. Face your fears with confidence... And as my dad tells me (cheesy quote incoming)... Turn your butterflies into eagles!

  5. I know exactly how you feel. I often feel exactly the same... sometimes it's hard not feel like you get this short end of everything. I also tip toe around issues until I am forced to deal with it. I recently heard someone say something that stuck with me though. and it may sound harsh but... "Live or don't live" meaning, either live positively no matter situation you are put into or don't live at all. I'm not one saying this from the outside either, I have been through a fair bit in my life. You are such a funny, beautiful and unique woman! I look up to you and hope you can work through everything. <3

  6. I can completely relate, life is hard and you are such an amazing happy person. its nice to hear you talk about your struggles as we all have them. Moving countries and leaving everyone i know is definitely something that i struggled with and things dont always work out how we think. I love reading about psychology and the important things in life. Avoiding things is definitely something that i need to work on as well - your post has inspired me to do this!!. it really doesnt help it just prolongs issues. Btw we need to see each other more, :)


You're so sweet to leave me a li'l message.